I had a nightmare last night...
We drive to the hospital on the day of my operation and get lost in the car park. We go it in and a male nurse asks for a ridiculous amount of money for a wheelchair and I tell him I don't need a wheelchair, I'm perfectly fine walking, thank you.
They give me plastic (!) clothes to wear and they don't fit so I decide I'll wear my own stuff but I can't find them in my bag, it's full of hair! Apparently I cut my hair and put it in... I touch my head and feel my hair, it's still long, all there, phew.
Meantime, as I lose so much time fussing about, the surgical team is running around looking for me in their scrubs lol. They drag me to the op and I can't even say goodbye to my loved ones.
I woke up at this point in tears...
As of this morning I lost 6 pounds but I still have a stone to lose to get below 50 BMI and I'm panicking! Really bricking it... what if I can't lose enough weight in time, what if they say they can't operate on the day of the surgery, what if I lose all that money I paid...
My sensible side says, if I lost 6 lbs in first week while still eating solid food, I really should be able to lose the remaining amount which makes less than 5 pounds a week, especially where people lose an average of a stone with the milk diet alone. I have another week as my advantage.
I'm such a wuss, I panicked and I rang my patient coordinator again. She said for your peace of mind, why don't you start the milk diet now and I agreed.
Hopefully this will help and I don't even care about not eating food for 3 weeks as long as I can get the operation in the end - such a good motivator!
I already had breakfast and lunch by the time I rang Emma so I skipped the snacks I had planned and went shopping after work and stocked on Slim Fast shakes, milk, Oxo cubes etc.
I cooked one last dinner for my husband (stir fry chicken and veg) and announced there will no longer be food in this house until after a few weeks after my surgery :) Him being him, his response was nothing but supportiveness - I do love my husband very much!
My total was around 750 kcal today. Much less than the week before but I'm not feeling hungry at all. I'm just so scared I won't lose enough, I don't feel like eating at all.
I talked to my mum today. Now this is interesting because when I first told her I was going to get a gastric band fitted, she panicked and told me all about the horror stories she read... thanks mum! Over the weeks of my research, I shared my findings with her to put her mind at ease but she wasn't really convinced. Like me, she's terrified of general anesthesia - where do we get this from, no idea. Not that we know anyone who had a bad experience or anything... Anyway, when she rang me today, after I told her how I'm doing and what I'm worried about and what I'm looking forward to and what I'm not really looking forward to, she told me she's never seen me as determined and she thinks I'll succeed this time.
It was lovely to hear my mum tell me this - the same mum who a couple of weeks ago refused to talk to me because I was signing up to kill myself, lol. Probably she did more research and got slightly convinced - not entirely but it's a great progress!
The thing is, I want my mum... Much as I love my husband and I have no doubt he'll look after me just fine after the op as he always does whenever I'm sick, I still want my mum more than anyone by my side. This is rather unfair, she's 60 something, not in the greatest shape, especially with that problematic knee. Plus if she came down to stay with us, it means leaving my dad alone for a week or so. He's not in his best shape either, I'd rather she stayed with him and I didn't worry about either one of them.
So the plan is, the husband will be with me for 3 days (he can't get more time off work, sadly) then my in-laws and two friends will cover the rest of the week. It wouldn't be like my husband or mum of course but I'm grateful they offered help, I really appreciate it.
But I'm bloody scared! I'm scared I can't wipe my ass on my own for a while after the surgery! Eeeek!
I don't tolerate pain well and I'm dreading the wind pain and the general kicked in the stomach feeling. I really don't know in what mood I'll be. If I'll be all irritated, annoyed and frustrated, I'd rather not have anyone else with me I suppose. But being alone would make me more frustrated perhaps? I don't know anything, all I know is that I want my mum in a selfish way but I don't want her to come in a sensible way... She wants to come too but I told her not to... We'll see...
This is a pessimistic day for me, I know. Like I said before, there is a big emotional aspect of this procedure and I suppose it's normal to have ups and downs through the way.
I feel like I won't miss food much in this 3-week period as I'm working towards a goal but I'll miss fizzy drinks!
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